FROM THE DESK OF DR. MALEVOLENCE

Colleagues,

Ash Veil has dissipated—physically, if not bureaucratically. The cloud performed admirably: a grey horizon, a week of confusion, and an air quality report that reads like poetry. While several operatives are still coughing up mild success, the operation is declared complete.

Now, as the world squints through the aftermath, we turn our attention to precision misdirection. Operation Mirage Tollgate begins. Traffic is civilization’s circulatory system; we intend to cause selective clotting. Remember: a single detour can reroute an empire.

— Dr. Malevolence

Presiding Architect of Discord & Newsletter Editor-in-Chief

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“The fog was never outside; we merely released it.”

— Commissar Gant

SPONSORED MESSAGE

From NEME-SYS™ Command Platforms

Now available: the Mirage Control Console™, featuring ambient misdirection modules, self-updating schematics, and a built-in decoy switch labeled “Don’t Press.” Designed for leaders who prefer plausible deniability in ergonomic form. NEME-SYS: Because confusion is comfort when properly managed.

VILLAIN OF THE WEEK: COMMISSAR GANT

Never silent, never subtle, always vertical. Commissar Gant leads from elevated platforms, her stentorian voice weaponized by megaphone arrays calibrated to induce compliance, dizziness, or applause. She personally directed the Ash Veil dispersal effort, ensuring visibility returned only when our silhouettes looked tallest.

CALL TO COHORTS

Volunteers required for Mirage Tollgate maintenance:

• Cartographers comfortable with circular maps.

• Sign painters with excellent spelling and poor judgment.

• Toll booth attendants able to project menace at conversational volume.

Submit applications via the westbound detour—if you can find it.

TOP STORIES OF THE WEEK

Success: Codename Ash Veil

Despite minor respiratory complaints and one incident of spontaneous melancholy in Lab 6, the atmospheric obscuration performed perfectly. Visibility dropped to five feet, sound carried like rumor, and local authorities declared a week-long “reflective pause.”

The effect on civic morale was profound; two towns held candlelight vigils for themselves.

Failure: Operation Dross Ledger (Audit Aftermath)

A follow-up investigation revealed several Syndicate accounts had accidentally audited each other, resulting in polite circular congratulations.

The good news: the money remains missing, as planned. The bad news: no one knows whose plan.

_____

TRAINING & DEVELOPMENT PLAN

Week of October 27–31, 2025

Lady Tarquin — Theatrics of Distraction: How to Exit While Applauding Yourself

Colonel Ironskull — Personal Armor for Negotiations

Madame Palinode — Revisionist History in Real Time

Dr. Fizzik — Improvised Science with Decorative Results

Foreman Clip — Sabotage Through Building Code Compliance

Attendance will be verified by reflection; those without one must reapply.

_____

CAFETERIA SPECIALS (Oct 27–31)

Monday: Charred marrow broth, opaque and comforting.

Tuesday: Bitter root salad served in black glass bowls.

Wednesday: Seared fowl with soot crust and reflective glaze.

Thursday: Grain loaf with hidden compartments.

Friday: Ash cream tart—dessert or disguise, depending on bite size.

_____

This newsletter is Made with PROPRIETARY PREDICTIVE ALGORITHM™

LAB UPDATES

Lab 4: Etiquette Jammer tuned to civic ceremonies; two mayors now share one oath of office.

Lab 6: The Sentient Clipboard project continues to grade its own performance, harshly.

Lab 8: Metronome Gauntlet prototype adapted for factory use; production rate tripled, rhythm described as “unsettling.”

Lab 10: Concertina Cannon stored temporarily; complaints of residual music in ventilation system ongoing.

Lab 12: Compliment Grenade Mk. IV reclassified as “lingering threat.”

Lab 20: Administrative Fog identified as mildly hallucinogenic—recordkeeping remains exemplary.

Lab 44: Acoustical Curtain deployed in Lab 6 during its tantrum; silence achieved.

_____

UPCOMING SCHEMES

Operation Mirage Tollgate (Oct 24–28): Highway diversions begin tonight; decoy signage installed.

Codename Obsidian Choir (Nov 7): Choral interference in major broadcasts.

Project Dustmantle (Continuing): Archive infiltration in near-perfect silence.

Operation Iron Parasol (Nov 14): Defensive weapon disguised as civic sculpture.

WEEKLY WRY WIT

“Nothing clears the air like a well-timed misunderstanding.”

CLOSING REMARKS FROM DR. MALEVOLENCE

Associates, let the world believe it’s finding its way again. Every clear road we give them is one we’ve already redrawn. The future remains under construction, and all exits are scenic.

— Dr. Malevolence

Editor-in-Chief, Engineer of Awkward Timings, Keeper of the Brass Keys

WORLD DOMINATION WEEKLY

Internal Distribution Only — Unauthorized reproduction will be… discouraged. This edition will self destruct in one week.

We use anonymized infrastructure, VPNs, or compromised devices abroad.

_____